Excessive Ejaculation

from Hour, April 14, 1994,
as reprinted in The Newsletter on Civil Liberties, August 22, 1994,
as noted by Michael Travers (mt@media.mit.edu)

Canadian government standards on ``group ejaculation'' and ``bootlicking''

In November, Secret City revealed that the Canadian government has standards on ejaculation. The government had taken a stand on ``excessive ejaculation.''

Secret City operative Harvey Blackman wrote a series of queries asking the government to explain its policies regarding what ideas are illegal to import into Canada. By law, the government had to respond.

Secret City has discovered that not only does the Canadian government police images or sentences depicting ``excessive ejaculation,'' it also has standards for ``group ejaculation'' and ``bootlicking.''

The genuine memo for ``group ejaculation'' ... explains that simultaneous ejaculation by two or more people on one person is an illegal idea to import into Canada.

Bootlicking canadian-style

The Canadian government also has a strict policy regarding ``bootlicking.'' You are not allowed to import ideas or pictures into Canada which depict ``bootlicking in a sexual context.'' According to Canada Customs Notice N-198, depictions of ``submissive acts such as the licking of another person's boot in a sexual context'' are not allowed into the country.

To help those who may be participating in illegal bootlicking or are worried they may import a sentence into the country which contains an illegal bootlicking description, Secret City has provided both a legal and an illegal bootlicking sentence.

A) Illegal: Reform Party leader Preston Manning lovingly licked Jean Chretien's boots during question period.
B) Bootlicking sentence which meets Canadian government standards: As he tortured him the dictator forced the prisoner to lick his boots.

Edited and converted to HTML by Dan Bornstein.