From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
Subject: HUMOR: "English" synopsis of Carmen
Date: Fri, 25 Jun 93 13:36:25 PDT

For opera lovers and opera haters alike, we reprint herewith the
"English" synopsis of _Carmen_, as it appeared in the program for a
recent performance in Genoa, Italy.  Doubters should leave the auditorium:
we have seen it with our own eyes.

 "Act 1.  Carmen is a cigar-makeress from a tabago factory who loves with
Don Jose of the mounting guard.  Carmen takes a flower from her corsets
and lances it to Don Jose (Duet: 'Talk me of my mother').  There is a
noise inside the tabago factory and the revolting cigar-makeresses burst
into the stage.  Carmen is arrested and Don Jose is ordered to mounting
guard her but Carmen subduces him and he lets her escape.

 "Act 2.  The Tavern.  Carmen, Frasquito, Mercedes, Zuniga, Morales.
Carmen's aria ('The sistrums are tinkling').  Enter Escamillio, a balls-
fighter.  Enter two smuglers (Duet: 'We have in mind a business') but
Carmen refuses to penetrate because Don Jose has liberated her from
prison.  He just now arrives (Aria: 'Stop, here who comes!') but hear are
the bugles singing his retreat.  Don Jose will leave and draws his sword.
Called by Carmen shrieks the two smuglers interfere with her but Don Jose
is bound to dessert, he will follow into them (final chorus: 'Opening sky
wandering life').

 "Act 3.  A roky landscape, the smuglers shelter.  Carmen sees her death in
cards and Don Jose makes a date with Carmen for the next balls fight.

 "Act 4.  A place in Seville.  Procession of balls-fighters, the roaring of
the balls is heard in the arena.  Escamillio enters (Aria and chorus:
'Toreador, toreador, all hail the balls of a Toreador').  Enter Don Jose
(Aria:  'I do not threaten, I besooch you') but Carmen repels him wants to
join with Escamillio now chaired by the crowd.  Don Jose stabbs her (Aria:
'Oh rupture, rupture, you may arrest me, I did kill her') he sings 'Oh my
beautiful Carmen, my subductive Carmen.'"