Subject: Re: LFO: Frequencies on Tommy Boy
From: (Curtis Yarvin)
Keywords: Catamites of the New Blender Groove
Date: Sun, 20 Oct 91 16:23:22 EDT

In article <> (Student Class Account) write!

BEWARE OF BASS>> Warning: Tommy Boy Music, Inc., its affiliates, and licensees disclaim any and all liability for speaker damage resulting from the playback of this sound recording.

That is the warning label on the CD, which brings us to LFO's trademark: Heavy bass. This shit is guaranteed to knock the china out of your neighbors cabinet if you arent careful

More to the point, it'll shred your woofers. But not to worry! You too can, in the privacy of your own home, create a PERFECT FACSIMILE of an LFO album, ABSOLUTELY FREE! Mutilate your speakers into polypropylene dishrags with this GUARANTEED formula:


        1       Blender    (a garbage disposal may be substituted)
        1       Spoon      (preferably of durable construction)
        1       Microphone (high-fidelity)
        1       Tape Deck  (with a little knob on the back, so you
                            can adjust the speed)
        1       Tape       (90-minute metal, of course)
        1       Amplifier  (with graphic equalizer)
        2       Speakers   (with suitably delicate woofers)

Phase 1: Generation of Low-Frequency Industrial Polyrhythms.

Attach Microphone to Tape Deck. Insert Tape. Twiddle knob on the back of Tape Deck, until the motors are spinning like demented flywheels, ready to record a 45-minute tape side in 8 minutes. Set blender on ``Puree.'' Insert spoon, and record.

Congratulations! You now have an ALBUM of Low- Frequency Industrial Polyrhythms, created in LESS TIME than it takes to PLAY. You can release a CD every TEN MINUTES, accounting for PACKAGING and MARKET RESEARCH. Your fans will love you.

Phase 2: Systematic & Malicious Abuse of Speakers.

Twiddle knob on the back of Tape Deck, until the motors move at some semblance of Normal Speed. Flick the 50hz lever on Graphic Equalizer to ``Maximum Oomph.'' Play Tape.

Pick shredded fragments of Woofer Cone out of your mohair sofa.


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