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The world comes to an end,Fade to picture of flaming dollar bill.
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In the news today, Communists, fleeing North Korea due to the recent peace talks there, joining up with hard-liner relics from the Soviet Disunion and Neo-Nazis from newly reunited Germany all rendezvoused in South Africa, where they ousted the white power-base and set up shop. The group's coup was flawless; being massively outnumbered by people who only stop fighting each other to be enslaved is their specialty. Nuclear research scientists are missing throughout the world, and the President is in serious talks with the Joint Chiefs at this time. Diamond prices have risen hundred-fold. The Libyans, Egyptians, Saudis, Iraquis, and Iranians have set aside their respective differences to setup massive border patrols to shoot the incoming flood of refugees from southern African nations. The Israelis are daring anyone to remotely consider thinking about contemplating the thought of asking them for assistance due to the fact that they fear that this will give credit to the Palestinian cause. Meanwhile, the Palestinians have taken this opportunity to join forces with the Irish Republican Army (which many analysts had been predicting for years) and march on Jerusalem in return for their assitance in the plunder of the British Empire in late February. The French, being pissed off at everyone, as usual, have declared nuclear war on Jordan and Yugoslavia for the bloody hell of it; the entirety of slavic nations are currently marching towards western Europe in an uproar. Paris, Rome, London, Bern, Tangiers, Peking, Cairo, and Moscow are flaming. There are unconfirmed reports that the Canadians are blaming the United States for this global crisis, and are acting as hosts for a global cooperative invasion to set them straight once and for all. Japan, of course, is uninvolved.
Other theories for the start of the crisis are numerous and to be disregarded; one Washington resident was quoted as saying: ``Well, lemme put it this way: See that pizza shop over there? Yeah, well, see that guy sitting in the booth looking bored? Ok. That's the delivery guy. When a pizza delivery guy in Washington is looking bored, there ain't no cause for alarm. Just you wait 'til the Conventions, man, and then you'll see what cause for alarm is all about.''